A SUITABLY HAPPY ENDING
by Alison Chaplin
This extract is adapted from the short play script A Suitably Happy Ending, a comic fairy tale introducing witches, goblins and other fantasy characters. The two servants can be any age and any type of character you like. The scene is set outside the Queen’s palace.
Two characters. Female or male. Ages 6 - 12 years.
Servant 1: (Running frantically around the stage) Her Majesty is coming!
Servant 2: Her Majesty is coming? Why are you running around like that? What’s all the panic? How many times do I have to tell you that she’s a NICE Queen?
Servant 1: I HAVE to run around like this, it’s a servant’s job! (Shouting) HER MAJESTY IS COMING! HER MAJESTY IS COMING! MAKE WAY FOR HER MAJESTY!
Servant 2: Will you stop shouting and running around like that? You’re giving me a really bad headache and if I’m not careful, it could turn into a very nasty migraine.
They notice the Queen who enters from her palace and both bow low
Servant 1: Bow low for her Majesty.
Servant 2: (Straightening up) What?
Servant 1: (Pushing Servant 2 back into the bowing position) Bow low for her Majesty.
Servant 2: (Staying down) I WAS bowing until…Oh never mind.
Both servants remain with their bodies bowed but their heads looking up
Servant 1: Welcome, your Majesty. Is there anything we can do to be of service to your Majesty? Can we cook you anything? Clean your clothes? Polish your silver? Anything at all?
Servant 2: (Quietly to Servant 1) Oh do stop grovelling. It’s embarrassing and pathetic.
Servant 1: (Still bowing) Would your Majesty like us to read you a story or…
Servant 2: (Still bowing) Oh good grief!
Servant 1: Well, if we can’t do anything at this moment your Majesty, would you mind if we stood up?
Servant 2: Thank you your Majesty, my back has been giving me trouble lately.
Servant 1: May we suggest that your Majesty takes a stroll.
Servant 2: Yes, if your Majesty has lost her glasses you may have left them where you had a picnic yesterday.
Both: (Bowing again) It’s our pleasure to serve your Majesty.
They watch the Queen walk off
Servant 2: Do you think we should have told her that she had her glasses on her head?
Servant 1: No, no! We’re just servants. It’s not in our job description to tell the Queen things like that.
Servant 2: Oh, I just thought it might make her feel less of an idiot when she realises, that’s all.
Servant 1: It’s not our job to make her Majesty feel less of an idiot. She is entitled to feel like that if she wants to.
Servant 2: Oh righto. (Pause) Fancy a game of chess?
Servant 1: Alright, but only if you let me keep score this time.
Servant 2: Well just you make sure that you do the adding up and taking away properly then.
Servant 1: Are you suggesting that I cheat?
Servant 2: Well, only some of the time. Come on – let’s find a nice, quiet spot for a game.
They both exit.